[The man in the flightsuit abruptly looks up as he hears the cries for help. He stands and approaches the distressee...]
What seems to be the problem?
[After listening to the chief complaint, he contemplates momentarily...]
OK, here are some suggestions I have for you:
1) Check with your ISP to see if there's a problem with your connection or their service (and if they give you grief, get a new ISP),
2) Get a new, faster modem if yours is less than 28.8,
3) Download a fresh copy of Navigator or Explorer...but you may want to avoid the 4.x version of either since they are memory hogs,
4) Keep a baseball bat or hockey stick within arm's reach of your computer desk (computers are more perceptive than you would think, and threats of physical violence go really far).
Good luck. And nice to meet you.